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High Without Your Love

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Jun met Minghao at a party thrown by some mutual acquaintance of theirs. By the time they came across each other both were gone; high on some sort of drug cocktail most of the guests had been fed the moment they walked through the door, along with continuous bong hits. Jun- the bigger user between the two of them as he seemed at least two times more sober than most of the crowd in the room. Jun could still handle a straight line as he walked around entertaining the crew of people loudly, joking around and goofing off in random dance moves. Minghao was far more gone, his addled brain could barely think straight but he felt free and happy.

Jun spots Minghao from across the crowd of people as he told a story of the time he threw up in some rich guys car while tripping on acid. The black haired male sitting back with a dazed drowsy look, eyes hazy, despite this he was the most beautiful man Jun has ever seen. His black hair framed his face and his honey tanned skin, styled gorgeously in some loose fitting light denim ripped jeans and an oversized button up covered in a funky leaf pattern. Jun’s mouth went dry and he suddenly forgot the next part of the story drifting off on his sentence.

“What happened then man?” some blonde haired guy calls, slurring from a couple feet away and Jun is brought back to himself standing in the center of the room suddenly feeling totally sober.

“I don’t know… I’m gonna go get another hit from the bong,” he says to the few people still paying attention, though who knows how much they are actually retaining at this point.

A few minutes later after several hits off the bong, the strong smell and taste of weed flowing through Jun’s whole body, he feels better. The subtle angry buzz of sobriety edging off and his brain once again becoming a calm scrambled mess. He relaxes back into the couch he has found himself sat upon when the black haired man from before enters the room. Jun snaps at attention, as much as he can when his body and brain are about five paces out of sync with each other which makes it look like he’s just spasming to get up. He watches the tall dark haired man walk in looking like a drunk chicken, though he supposes he is no better off. Suddenly Jun finds the bong being passed to him again and he nearly drops it, ripping his eyes from the mystery man. He situates the lighter he was handed and lights up sending the smoke flurrying up the pipe and curling into every corner of Jun’s mouth as he inhales the bitter smelling substance.

No effect takes place from the hit, though Jun supposes he’s high enough at this point that it wouldn’t take too much of a toll on him. It gets passed to a couple more around the circle when suddenly the mystery man Jun has had his eyes on all night is grabbing it and taking a hit. Jun watches with wide glassy eyes, although he can tell he’s not very used to it he takes in the smoke with ease, choking just slightly on the acrid burning left behind. Jun suddenly pushes himself off of the couch and makes his way over to him, plopping down beside the dark haired boy not so gracefully and instantly leaning into him.

“Hey there gorgeous, what’s your name?” Jun whispers sweetly into Minghao’s ear.

“The name is Minghao, handsome,” the drugs Minghao has taken have made him levels more brazen than he would have been in this situation sober.

“What a beautiful name, fitting for the beautiful man who has it,” Jun compliments.

“Thanks. What about you?” Minghao asks him, while taking the bong being passed. He passes it on, too enthralled by the slightly shorter but bulkier man next to him.

“The name is Junhui,” he responds, “most people just call me Jun,” he adds on.

“Your name is just as beautiful as you, Junhui,” Minghao slurs into the older’s ear.

“Should we find somewhere else to have this conversation?” Jun suggests with a raise of his brow.

“Why don’t we go outside for a bit first, I need some fresh air. Besides you don’t honestly think I’d be that easy, did you, Jun,?” Minghao scolds playfully, dragging the other up and out of the smoke filled room towards the sliding back door.

“I suppose not, but you are quite the beauty Minghao. Caught my eye the moment I saw you,” Jun tells the other causing a deep flush to rise on the black haired’s cheeks, not that Jun could tell in the darkness of the night.

“While I appreciate the compliment, I doubt I’m all that Junhui,” Minghao replies with a smirk.

“Don’t doubt yourself ever again handsome,” Jun says flirtatiously.

“I’ll try,” Minghao answers with a teasing tone.

“I mean all these stars and yet you’re still the brightest, damn,” Jun uses a cheesy line, making Minghao giggle and stumble.

“Alright, starting on the corny jokes now I see,” Hao laughs, and that may be Jun’s favorite sound.

“Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?” Jun asks, now laughing as well.

“Shit hurt like a bitch, yeah!” Minghao answers laughing harder now, the two falling over each other in laughter.

“You get me,” Jun puts a hand over his heart dramatically, after they calm down.

“And you are stupid,” Hao tells him.

“I’m with you right now instead of doing dumb shit in there, clearly I have some smarts,” Jun responds pulling Minghao in close to him, looking directly into the other boys eyes.

“Maybe so,” Minghao whispers coyly, allowing himself to be drawn into Jun’s charm and alluring gaze.

“Definitely,” Jun whispers back only a breath of space between their lips. Jun looks back up to Minghao’s eyes seeing no hesitation in them and surges forward connecting their lips. Though they had stepped out into a slightly chilly spring night, Jun can’t help but feel like he’s on fire the moment his lips meet the other boys. Minghao gasps as he feels the silver haired boy grip onto him harder, pulling him closer, craving the other boys heat. Jun takes this as an opportunity to slip his tongue through the other’s lips to roam. Their tongues twist and turn together, dancing around as their hands fumble and grab and yank. Bodies stuck in a game of push and pull, this way and that, they stumble a bit as they push against each other more, each craving the other. The two split when they find themselves needing oxygen, Jun staring into Minghao’s eyes, hazy with lust.

“How close do you live?” Minghao asks quietly as if to keep it a secret, Mingyu flashing into his head as he asks but the high he’s on instantly dismisses those thoughts.

“About five minutes from here, let me call a cab,” Jun answers hurriedly, searching around for his phone. As soon as it’s in his hands he is dialing a number and requesting the cab service, meanwhile Minghao continues to stare before attaching his mouth against Jun’s neck. The older moans into the phone slightly before hanging up and shoving the phone back in his pocket. He yanks on Minghao’s flowy black locks so that he is facing him their lips meeting once again, desperate and rushed, both their brains foggy with smoke.

The two are a mess of limbs as they climb in and out of the car that picks them up, Jun leaves a generous tip as he has no mind to count money and hands the guy a fifty. They walk up to the door Minghao’s hands all over Jun, unable to get enough of him. Minghao begins unbuttoning Jun’s shirt and jeans while the other is working on unlocking the door to his apartment. They crash through the door loudly and Jun swings the door shut pushing Minghao up against it.

“Someone’s a little needy, huh?” Jun taunts in Minghao’s ear, making the other let out a whine. “It’s okay baby, I’ve got you.” Jun says lips going down to Hao’s neck. He kisses up and down, teeth scraping along the spots he kissed, making Minghao whimper and melt against the door behind him. Jun stops and sucks along Minghao’s collarbone causing a high pitched moan to leave the younger while Jun leaves his mark.

“Jun please,” Minghao pleads.

“What baby?” Jun asks.

“Please, I need you, please ,” Minghao practically begs.

“Not here baby, come to my room,” Jun leads the black haired boy into a dark room down the hall. He pushes him into the room as he shuts the door flicking the light on as he guides Minghao towards his bed. Minghao falls back onto the bed in a not so graceful way but in this moment he could care less, he needs Jun, now . Jun follows him, climbing on top. He kisses the boy again before going back down towards his neck. He reaches for the buttons on Hao’s shirt, undoing them as he kisses his way down his long, lean torso, loving the way the other reacts to every touch. Taking off Minghao’s shirt he proceeds to unbutton his own and rip it from his flaming hot skin, he leans down again to meet Minghao’s sinfully good lips. They instantly open, allowing their tongues to meet, hot and wet. Jun feels a shiver run up his spine as their bare chests and their hips collide together. The older lets out a groan at the way Minghao starts bucking his hips up into the other’s, their clothed erections brushing making Minghao moan at the delicious friction of it.

Minghao and his drug addled brain throw caution and thoughts of Mingyu to the wind, grasping at Jun’s pants trying to yank them down. He gives up with a huff after he fails to move them even an inch, Jun chuckling at him, grabbing his own pants and pulling them down leaving him in his boxers. Jun then reaches for the button on Minghao’s jeans undoing it and pulling the others down along with his boxers releasing the others hard dick. Minghao lets out a small whimper as Jun wraps his hand around it, slowly stroking.

“Jun, ugh, Jun ,” Minghao groans at the feeling of it all, it has been too long since Mingyu had touched him like this.

“Look at me Hao,” Jun says with a demanding edge to his tone, making the younger glance up at him; already he looks absolutely wrecked. Jun leans over to grab lube from his nightstand, glancing back at the boy underneath him. “You sure about this, Hao?” He asks, as he pops the cap open and pours some on his hand.

“Yes, Jun. Wreck me ,” Minghao responds moaning as he feels  Jun’s slicked up digits teasing at his entrance. Jun slides one into Minghao’s tight heat, moaning at the feeling of just his finger inside the boy. Jun wants to worship the boy beneath him, so beautiful and elegant even now, he craves his touch, needs to be as close to him as possible. As he stretches him he reaches back up to leave more hickeys along Minghao’s neck. He adds another finger in the younger feeling him stretch around both of them, Minghao moaning at the sensation of being filled. He lets out a sharp whine as he feels Jun insert a third finger, the initial feeling of it sending pain through him.

“Relax baby, I’ve got you, it’s alright,” Jun whispers into Minghao’s ear, slowly easing his fingers farther into him, scissoring him open, searching for his prostate at the same time.

“Oh, sh-shit, Jun!” Minghao shouts as he feels Jun graze against it. Jun smirks down at the younger, enjoying how he squirms against the older’s fingers, grinding back against them slightly.

“You sound almost as beautiful as you look Hao,” Jun tells him looking into his eyes.

“Jun, fuck me,” Minghao says while gazing back at the other lust written all over his features. Jun instantly complies with the younger’s request, slipping his fingers out and removing his boxers, he wraps his lubed fingers over himself groaning at finally getting some pleasure. He slicks his dick up with a little more lube before he aligns himself with Minghao’s entrance. Slowly Jun slides into his wet heat, moaning aloud at the sensation of Minghao wrapped around him.

“Hao, you feel so good,” Jun groans into the younger’s neck slowly grinding into him before giving a shallow thrust.

“J-Jun...” Minghao moans at the pleasure of Jun’s dick buried inside him.

“You alright baby?” Jun stops his movements until Minghao nods and pants begging him to move. So he does. Jun pulls out almost all the way before thrusting back into Hao the both of them letting out loud moans as sparks of pleasure shoot through their bodies. Jun falls into a rhythm focused solely on making the other cum. He finds himself reaching down to kiss Minghao yet again, though they are both more or less just panting and groaning into each other’s mouths. It isn’t long until Minghao is gasping and moaning and letting out little uh-uh’s at every sharp thrust from the older, nails scraping down his back as he does so. Suddenly Minghao is near screaming as Jun meets his spot on every thrust making him cum all over their chests with shouts of Jun’s name. Jun pulls out and strokes himself until he finishes all over Minghao. He quickly gets up to grab a towel to clean Minghao up with, after they are both clean he grabs on a random shirt and sits Minghao up to put one on him as well. They fall asleep cuddling, Jun feeling simultaneously sober and as high as he’s ever been.

 

The next morning Minghao wakes his brain foggy and trying to catch up on everything that has happened, he goes to sit up but stops when he feels pain travel up his back and suddenly he remembers exactly where he is. He had gone home with that guy, Jun, last night and they… Oh. Minghao lies there stunned, blinking up at the ceiling, this was so unlike him, running off to have a hook up. What had he been thinking? What would he tell Mingyu? How could he forgive Minghao for this? How could Minghao forgive himself? His stupid, horny, high brain not thinking before letting another man touch him like that.

“Oh, you’re awake,” Minghao looks over to see Jun rolling a blunt, glancing at the clock he takes note that it’s noon.

“W-where am I?” Minghao stutters, feeling much more shy now that he’s fully sober.

“My apartment sweetheart, not far from the party last night, need a ride or something?” Jun asks the other.

“No, I don’t need to be anywhere, even if I did, I don’t think I could be anywhere right now. I think I got hit by a dump truck,” Minghao sits up rubbing at his head, he should be leaving.

“Want a hit to take the edge off?” Jun offers, holding the now rolled joint out towards the black-haired male.

“No thanks, I’m good. The kitchen?” Minghao asks feeling his throat clawing at itself in search of moisture.

“Just down the hall and to the right, cups are in the cupboard to the left of the sink,” Jun informs him,and Hao nods, roughly getting onto his feet. He walks as slow and steady as he can in the direction he had been lead. He grabs a glass out of the cupboard and fills it in the sink, and then he drinks down the liquid as quickly as he can, before grabbing another glass. He then finds his way back to the same room as before. He limps, pain shooting up his back. It’s certainly been a while since that had happened to him. Minghao sets down the water and flops back onto the bed, suddenly realizing that he did all that without underwear and now- thanks to his flopping- his ass was quite literally hanging out displayed bare for Jun to gape at; which he was.

“Uh…” sounds from Minghao as he pulls his shirt over his ass and moves so that none of him is visible.

“Relax Hao, nothing I didn’t see last night,” Jun laughs taking a drag from his- now lit- joint, the smoke from the end curling around the room filling it with the stench of weed in seconds.

“Still, I just. I can’t believe I- this was all a mistake,” Minghao tells the older as he grabs his clothes from the ground hurriedly.

“Was it?” Jun questions cockily, now looming over the smaller, blunt forgotten, snuffed out on the nightstand.

“Yes it was,” Minghao nervously insists, trying to push Jun out of the way so he can go change.

“I don’t agree,” Jun comments, bringing his hand around the smaller to his backside gripping his ass.

Jun ,” Minghao moans before shaking his head clear, “No, not again,” Minghao says stubbornly. You have Mingyu, he tries to remind himself.

“Okay pretty, go on,” Jun moves aside motioning his arm toward the door.

“Fuck you,” Minghao says as he reaches out towards the other again, bringing him into a kiss. He couldn’t help it, he was drawn to the older, every reason flying through his head of why he shouldn’t be doing this getting ignored. Jun himself had barely gotten a buzz from the two hits off his blunt but now kissing Minghao once again felt a familiar, amazing tingle stretch across his body, relaxing it. He felt a buzzing high now, and he had barely taken anything, it was pure Minghao he was on. He couldn’t let go, not yet.

 

They lay together on the bed again, Minghao curled up to Jun’s side. Both are completely naked again, Minghao much less concerned since they had just finished fucking. By this point Jun would usually be high off at least three joints, but laying with Minghao he feels sated enough to get by.

“I have to go,” Minghao suddenly announces, standing and gathering his clothes off the floor.

“No, wait, you can stay,” Jun hurries to say.

“Why, so you can fuck me again? I have, or I guess had a boyfriend before this,” Minghao states turning to glare at Jun, finally getting a hold of his senses.

“Wait, what? I wouldn’t have done anything had I known,” Jun apologizes.

“Sure you wouldn’t have,” Minghao rolls his eyes. “A junkie like you? God, Mingyu deserves better. What am I even gonna tell him?” Minghao begins to worry.

“Just tell him you spent the night at a friends,” Jun suggests.

“Oh, yeah, and ended up with hickeys all over?” Minghao questions.

“Well no, I don’t know. Why did you even accept if you have a boyfriend?” Jun interrogates.

“We haven’t exactly ya know- had sex- for a while. But that’s no excuse, he didn’t deserve this!” Minghao fights with himself.

“Well then clearly there was already something wrong with that relationship,” Jun comments.

“Mingyu is perfect! He’s a gentleman, and so what we haven’t had sex for a while, we’re both busy and- and-” Minghao trails off losing his defense.

“I’m just pointing out facts,” Jun shrugs.

“Oh shut up,” Minghao snips.

“Make me.”

“You’re unbelievable!”.

“No, I just think you are the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen in my life.”

“I would never be with you if that’s what you’re hoping for here. First of all, I love Mingyu. Second of all, you’re too cocky, and third of all, you’re a fucking stoner,” Minghao points out.

“I’m not trying to get in the middle of your relationship, even though I guess I already have, but I really didn’t mean to. I’m sure this Mingyu is wonderful and I’m sorry for all this” Jun concedes.

“And I don’t believe you.” Minghao snaps, turning around, now fully dressed, and exiting. Minghao calls himself a cab and goes on his merry way back to his own place. Only very worried as to how he will explain this to Mingyu.

Meanwhile, Jun sits and ponders why Minghao would hate dating a stoner, and replaying their meeting. Hao was truly gorgeous, stunning with clothes on and off, he knew how to dress and his hair complimented his slightly paler skin. When he took them off though, Jun couldn’t deny the beauty underneath. He takes a drag from a new joint and sits back in his chair, dreaming of Minghao’s milky thighs and his smooth chest; all of it so striking against his dark hair and his bright smile. He wouldn’t have slept with him had he known Minghao had a boyfriend, but he wouldn’t say he isn’t jealous, there is a man out there who gets to call Minghao his boyfriend who gets to fall asleep with him at night. How lucky this Mingyu must be.

 

Minghao enters his and Mingyu’s apartment quietly, walking slowly, worried that Mingyu may be home. When he finds his boyfriend isn’t home, he releases a deep sigh and relaxes his tense body travelling quickly to their room to grab fresh clothes. Minghao grabs a towel and make his way to the bathroom after plugging his dead phone in on his charger. He turns on the water to burning hot and strips from the disgusting clothes that reek of last night's mistakes. Stepping under the hot stream he lets his muscles relax and his shame hit him, his walls dropping and his shoulders falling with them, he lets tears sting at his eyes as he looks down at himself and sees dark marks all over his skin. He hates them, he hates that he wanted them, that he let them happen. He hates himself, hates that he wants more from Jun.

Minghao lets the water wash him clean of the prior night and he rinses himself off, stepping out to dry. Once in new clothes he walks out to the kitchen and makes dinner for himself and Mingyu, deciding that it could be his gift to him since he was gone all night. Or just his guilt talking.

Mingyu arrives back just as their dinner is finished, he instantly greets Minghao with a kiss on the cheek and a hug.

“How was your night?” he asks the younger.

“It was alright, sorry I was gone all night, I spent the night at Soonyoung’s,” he lies easily, feeling his guilt further.

“That’s fine babe,” he says kissing down the shorter’s neck, before noticing the marks on them. “What’s this?” Mingyu asks, clearly trying not to sound angry.

“Oh nothing. You know how people play stupid games at parties? Well we played truth or dare and Soonyoung decided it would be funny if he made some girl leave hickies all over me for you to find or whatever,” Minghao chuckles.

“Damn that Soonyoung. I guess I shouldn’t expect anything less from him, but you are mine,” Mingyu hugs the smaller to him tightly.

“I know babe, now I made this dinner for us, let’s at least eat it,” Minghao slightly shoves the older off of him, to sit a the table, but he doesn’t feel like eating. He feels more like he’s gonna be sick. Suddenly, Minghao stands abruptly and sprints to the bathroom. He just makes it to the toilet before leaning over and heaving all of his insides up. Gyu had quietly followed after him concerned, and rubs his back as he continues to dry heave over the toilet.

“Baby, let’s get you into bed,” Gyu says helping Minghao to his feet gently.

“I’m fine Gyu,” Minghao tries to say before he drops to his knees once again, throwing up anything that could be left and a bunch of stomach acid into the bowl.

“No you’re not, lemme feel,” he reaches his hand out after kneeling back down to feel Minghao’s head. “You have a fever, c’mon, bed time for you mister.” Mingyu lifts Minghao delicately and walks him into their bedroom, setting him down on the bed. He grabs the trash can from the opposite side of the room. 

“Here, in case you need to throw up again, I’ll go get some medicine and water for you, just lay back and rest baby,” he gives Hao a kiss on the forehead before quietly leaving.

“I’m the worst in the world.” Minghao groans, and he feels another round of vomit threatening at the back of his throat. He leans over and grabs his phone from the nightstand, finding that he had actually gotten Jun’s number, he quickly texts him.

Never contact me, consider yourself deleted  

Hao presses send and then deletes the number from his phone. After emptying his stomach for the fourth time he lays back on his bed trying to close his eyes and rest when Mingyu walks in with medicine.

“Here Hao Hao, take some of this and get some sleep if you can, I love you sweetie,” Mingyu leaves the supplies on his nightstand.

“I love you too Gyu, you’re the best. I don’t deserve you,” he grumbles.

“Of course you deserve me love, you’re the best ever,” Mingyu answers, exiting the room.

“No I’m not,” Minghao speaks aloud into the silence Mingyu leaves behind.



It continues like this for weeks, Minghao filled with guilt, hating himself, meanwhile Mingyu remains none the wiser. Soonyoung learned the truth after Minghao told him why he lied to Mingyu about staying at his house. The two of them tiptoeing around the taller, exchanging glances and Soonyoung trying to get Minghao to explain himself to Gyu. Soonyoung is now almost counselling him through this, whenever Mingyu isn’t home and they have free time or meeting up for dinner. Currently out at a gay club, Minghao only agreeing under the guise that Soonyoung wanted to look for a hook up they begin talking about it for the umpteenth time.

“Please just explain it I’m sure it’ll be okay, maybe some couple’s counselling or something, but it’s not like you actually like that Jun guy or want to see him again. So what’s the problem?” Soonyoung insists sipping his whiskey.

“The problem? The problem is that I fucking cheated on him Soon, how can we ever get past that, how will I ever get past that?” Minghao questions as he downs his drink quickly signalling for another from the bartender, downing it again quickly.

“Hao, first of all slow down, second Mingyu loves you, and I’m sure if you just make sure he knows you were nowhere near your right mind, I mean I saw you, you barely knew right from left in fact I don’t think you would’ve,” Soonyoung tries again.

“You’ve told me this a million times, but Soon… I made the decision consciously too,” Minghao admits.

“Wait- what?” Soonyoung asks surprised.

“It happened more than once, the next morning, well early afternoon, I was mostly sober  just a bit hungover but we did it again, before I had told him about Gyu. I was thinking about Gyu before it happened too, and I still, I let myself get fucked by some guy I met at a party, Gyu should never forgive that, let alone give me a second chance,” Minghao downs two more rounds, quickly losing his grasp on everything around him.

“Minghao drinking like that will not solve anything, and you know that. As for Gyu, I’m going to let you decide. I just hate keeping this from him, not that I would ever tell him, but I feel guilty,” Soonyoung comments, getting a second drink.

“Imagine how I feel,” Minghao scoffs standing from his seat.

“What are you doing?” Soonyoung asks.

“Dancing. You know I can’t resist a Dean song,” Minghao giggles lightly, his drunken mind forgetting about everything as soon as he hears, Put My Hands On You start to play.

“Oh this can’t be good,” Soonyoung rolls his eyes as he watches his friend walk into the crowd of bodies, he quickly loses him and grows panicked before someone beside him starts a conversation. He lets Minghao slip from his mind.

Meanwhile Minghao slips through sweaty bodies travelling to the center of the floor and begins to let his body feel the music, swaying sensually with everyone but more graceful than the others despite the amount he drank. From the corner of his eye he spots someone that looks familiar he can’t place it but they aren’t looking in his direction. Whoever it may be Minghao drops his gaze from them back onto himself as he rolls his body slowly to the song, catching the attention of multiple people surrounding him. His gaze drifts back up in the direction of the familiar stranger and gasps as he recognizes Jun, now facing his direction, hanging out with a couple of his friends Hao guesses. He doesn’t think much before he starts in Jun’s direction, reaching him quickly, Jun is surprised not having spotted him before. Minghao grabs his wrist and gives a small tug.

“Junnie! Come and dance with me!” Minghao shouts in his ear, and Jun getting eyebrow raises from his friends.

“Minghao, you’re drunk,” Jun says into his ear with a deep voice.

“So? You’re probably high, now come with me,” Minghao pulls him into the crowd. Once he gets back to his spot in the middle Minghao grabs at Jun’s shoulders and rolls his body onto his, he can faintly hear whoops from the table they had left.

“Hao, stop please,” Jun pleads.

“Jun, just enjoy,” Minghao smirks turning around to grind his ass into Jun’s crotch, almost instantly feeling the affect it has on the older male. He goes at it harder, feeling himself now, making sure Jun sees him flaunt.

“Hao..” Jun trails off, getting slightly lost in the atmosphere.

“I feel you Junnie, mmm, you like this don’t you?” Minghao whispers in a deep tone into the older’s ear before kissing his neck quickly, grinding his own hard crotch into Jun. He looks back at Jun with lust filled eyes and returns to the other’s neck, kissing, licking and biting at him. Trying to make a mark. “I know you like this Junnie, such a good boy for me huh?” He hears a small gasp from Jun, causing his lips to curl further into a smirk,  as he continues. “I want to fuck you, so bad right now. Please Junnie, please baby. Let me fuck you,” Minghao finishes with a final kiss to Jun’s ear.

“Hao, you’re not okay right now,” Jun points out, clearly concerned, shaking his head clear of the fog of heat.

“So? I really want this Jun,” Hao surges forward and connects their lips quickly licking into the older’s mouth.

“Hao stop this, you have a boyfriend, and even if you don’t anymore I refuse to sleep with you while you’re like this,” he pushes him off lightly.

“Junnie, don’t be a bad boy, just let me fuck you,” Minghao almost begs, not caring about any of what Jun had said.

“Minghao. Stop. This isn’t a game, you aren’t okay, did you come with someone?” Jun asks concerned grasping Minghao’s shoulders firmly to keep him off.

“Junnie doesn’t want me, Junnie doesn’t like me anymore,” Minghao pouts, “no one likes me.” He begins to cry.

“Hao, I do like you, god I like you more than you know but I can’t have you, not like this, especially when you have someone else you love. Now please tell me who you came with,” Jun tries to get the emotional boy to focus.

“I came with my friend Soonyoung, he’s at the bar with some guy, he doesn’t care about me either. Thinks I’m a terrible person for what I did to Gyu. Did you know after we slept together I got real sick, throwing up everywhere and Gyu took such good care of me, I’m horrible. He’s so sweet and I love him but he’s gonna be so hurt when he finds out,” Minghao begins crying harder as Jun drags him towards the bar to find this Soonyoung, his heart aching at the mention of this amazing “Gyu” person.

“Is there a Soonyoung here?” Jun shouts to a few patrons as he supports Minghao’s weight.

“Yeah I am- HAO!” a red haired boy turns around in his seat, shouting when he sees the state of Minghao.

“Uh, hi I’m Jun,” he sees a flash of realization in the other’s eyes, “Minghao needs to get home now, he’s very drunk, and he won’t stop crying,” Jun explains as Soonyoung grabs Minghao from him and sits him on a stool.

“Hao, calm down, we need to get you home okay?” Soonyoung says to his friend, “Thanks Jun,” he calls.

“Wait Junnie! Don’t leave me! Want cuddles,” Minghao makes grabby hands at the man standing with concerned eyes.

“Hao…” Jun says, dejected.

“Please, no sex I promise, just cuddles,” the younger pouts.

“Hao, you know I can’t do that, now go home to Gyu and have him take care of you, okay?” Jun looks him in the eyes. Minghao brightens at that.

“Yes! Gonna go see my Gyu bear! Thanks Junnie bean, I love you!” Minghao says waving goodbye animatedly.

“Bye Hao,” Jun and Soonyoung share a look at the words ‘I love you’ from Minghao, and Soonyoung sees the sadness in Jun’s gaze as he says goodbye and walks off.

“Soonie isn’t Junnie amazing?” Minghao giggles.

“He is very nice, come on Hao, we gotta get going,” Soonyoung lugs his weighed down drunk friend off the bar stool and out the door.

It doesn’t take long before they pull into the driveway of the apartment building Minghao lives in, Soonyoung helps him out of the car and into the building. He gets him all the way up to his door, knocking. Almost instantly a tired looking Mingyu appears with a worried look set upon his features, breathing a small sigh of relief when seeing Minghao in one piece.

“Hey Gyu, sorry, I tried to stop him,” Soonyoung apologizes.

“It’s okay Soonyoung, he’s allowed to have fun,” Mingyu chuckles, “thanks for watching out for him. Now Hao Hao let’s get you into bed, tomorrow is going to be hell, better get it over with quick,” Mingyu grabs onto Hao who melts into him and waves goodbye to the older shutting the door and locking it behind him.

“Gyu bear, I’m sorry for getting drunk,” Minghao says sadly.

“It’s okay Hao Hao, as long as you are okay,” Mingyu comments as he plops the younger boy onto their bed and undresses him.

“Can we cuddles?” Hao slurs a bit, exhausted and still very wasted.

“Yes of course,” Gyu tells him as he puts the smaller into a cozy sweater and tucks him in. Mingyu crawls in behind the smaller and pulls him close to his chest spooning him.

“I love you Gyu bear,” Minghao says softly.

“I love you too Hao Hao,” Mingyu places a soft kiss to the back of Minghao’s head as he feels the smaller relax into him.

The next morning when Minghao wakes, he instantly notices the pounding in his head, and the heat from behind him, he groans and rolls over to find Mingyu clinging to him for dear life. The previous nights events begin to come back to him and he remembers now, how he had seen Jun, dragged him to dance. He had grinded all on Jun, asked to fuck him even, tried to make out with him. Guilt hits tenfold as he realizes that this time it wasn’t a random guy, it was someone he knew, the person he had cheated with. God, this whole situation was so fucked.

“Baby, are you feeling okay?” he hears Mingyu softly grumble and looks up to meet his worried eyes.

“Yeah, I have a killer headache but besides that I think I’m mostly alright,” Minghao responds rubbing his temples to find some relief.

“Hang on a second, I’m getting a call,” Mingyu rolls over to his nightstand where his phone is sat answering it. It sounds like a work call from the words leaving the taller’s mouth, and Minghao sighs.

“I’m gonna go get some water,” Minghao stands shifting his boxers around to make his situation the slightest bit more comfortable.

“I have to go in to work, but I’ll be back later. Meanwhile you relax, and invite Soon over or something,” Mingyu tells him, leaving a kiss on his head as he goes towards the door and leaves now fully clothed and ready. Minghao stays leaning against the kitchen counter rubbing his head in regret before texting Soonyoung to come over, only to find the older had already asked to come talk.

It doesn’t take Soonyoung long to arrive and when he does, Minghao pitifully greets him and plops back onto the couch quickly. Soonyoung just laughs at the younger and sits alongside him to watch the movie he had on. They sit in silence for a while before Soonyoung looks over at the younger concerned, Minghao catches the glance and rolls his eyes.

“What?” he asks annoyed.

“We need to talk Hao,” Soonyoung says looking down.

“What about? If this is about Jun I don’t want to hear it I was super drunk,” Minghao tries to reason.

“That doesn’t change anything Hao. It doesn’t change the fact that you invited him to dance, that you were all over him, and that you offered to have sex again?” Soonyoung harshly responds.

“Listen, Soon, I was really messed up and I acted out, I know that, I already feel guilty about actually sleeping with Jun. Talking to him last night was a mistake but as I said I was gone, not in my right mind at all, I should’ve just held back from drinking,” Minghao reasons.

“Minghao listen to yourself. You’re using drinking as an excuse for hitting on a guy who isn’t your boyfriend, a guy who you had sex with twice, while with your boyfriend. I’m here for you and all but this is just getting too messy you need to figure it all out. You told Jun that you love him for god's sake! And that’s not all, he clearly has feelings for you but he won’t act on them cause he knows you’re taken. I don’t know what’s going on in that head of yours but fix it before you hurt Mingyu even more than you already have. I won’t get in the middle of this but you need to tell him, because it’s become clear you have some sort of feelings or attraction to Jun and I’m not the person you should be talking about it to,” Soonyoung finishes his speech, and Minghao clutches his head all of this makes it hurt worse.

“Soon, I didn’t do any of this on purpose, I was inebriated both times, and I don’t have feelings towards Jun at all! He disgusts me quite frankly,” Minghao wrinkles his nose up as a show of disgust.

“No he doesn’t. And whether or not you want to admit it you feel something for him. Besides the fact Hao, even fucked up like you were you still made the decision a part of you wanted it, and you told me you were sober the second time you two had sex,” Soonyoung argues.

“I’m done talking about this, it’s not your problem, just leave me alone,” Minghao shouts now feeling guilty and alone, no one defending him.

“Hao, I’m here for you, just- just fix this, okay?” Soonyoung says, getting up to leave. Minghao lays down on the couch releasing a heavy sigh and beginning to sob, how did he get here? How did he let this get so messed up? Was there really something wrong between him and Mingyu? He felt deserted and alone, he knew he did this to himself but it’s what he deserved. He’s a horrible person, friend, boyfriend. He should hate himself, and he does. Crying his eyes out about how horrible he is, taking from everyone, taking all their love and care and throwing it away. Everyone should hate him. He takes out his phone texting the number he had deleted weeks ago, I need to talk to you . He gets a response and is on his way to meet the older in under half an hour.

When Minghao sees him he breathes in deeply trying to calm himself, Jun waves at him shyly. He thinks back to last night, how he had dragged Jun, how he had begged to- no, right now is not the time for this.

“Thanks for agreeing to meet,” Minghao greets, trying to sound composed but just coming off as cold.

“It seemed important,” Jun replies, awkwardly.

“Well it is, I just, I can’t believe that…” Hao trails off.

“What?” Jun asks.

“I can’t believe that you would try to get me to sleep with you again, you know I have Gyu, you’re unbelievable!” Minghao accuses, he knows it’s a lie but he just can’t deal with the guilt that swirls hot in his stomach.

“That’s not what happened Hao,” Jun calmly says.

“Yes it is, stop denying it! And don’t call me Hao,” Minghao argues.

“Hao-Minghao, calm down, it’s alright,” Jun tries to comfort him.

“No it’s not Junnie, I slept with you and lied about it to Gyu- nothing is okay,” he begins crying, a few bystanders glancing in there direction.

“Please Minghao, just calm down, we can go back to my place and talk this through in private yeah?” Jun offers.

“No! You’re just trying to get in my pants again, I never want to see you again!” Minghao shouts accusingly, hurriedly rushing away from Jun before he can say anything else.

Jun watches Minghao run away from him, a deep ache settling itself in his heart, he loves the younger but he can never have him. He almost wishes they had never met but he can’t bring himself to really mean it. He loves Minghao but Minghao loves Mingyu. He’s fucked. As Minghao runs he feels his heart pounding but he feels a small ache in it as well, a part of his heart that had swelled when seeing Jun, the part of his heart that he pushes away and shuns. Not willing to admit that Soonyoung was any bit right- that he felt something for the older. No that can’t be it.

 

A few weeks later everything has been going well, Minghao has managed to get Jun almost completely out of his head and the guilt was becoming more distant with every passing day. The jumpy nervousness slowly goes away around Mingyu and he welcomes the calm. Although his decision to not tell Mingyu means that Soonyoung comes around less, hangs out less. He says he’s still there for Minghao, but Minghao doesn’t know how much he believes that as he barely talks to him. He hates himself so deeply for everything that happened, but he’s learning to move on, why can’t Soonyoung? Secretly he knows why, Soonyoung knows the whole truth, the truth that Minghao refuses to admit to himself or anyone else. He likes Jun and a part of him doesn’t want to forget the alluring older. He continues to push that part of himself down, far down, convinces himself he doesn’t like the older, though in his darkest moments he cries almost allowing himself to miss the way Jun held him so soft. He’s disgusting. He can’t help but think, everytime he looks in the mirror, but he pushes it down remembering that Mingyu is more important than his own self-hatred.

It’s been shortly over a month since that night at the club and Mingyu has planned a night out for the two of them at a local restaurant, one of their favorite places. Minghao readies himself, putting on his best, tightest black jeans, and his oversized baby pink sweater, knowing Mingyu loved him in this outfit. He makes sure his hair is sitting exactly right before going out to the living room where Mingyu is sat already dressed and ready waiting for him. They exit their apartment and make their way to dinner. They walk in and take their seats, Minghao not noticing the person sat across the room from them, but he had seen them. Minghao and Mingyu, share their dinners, talking about everything they could think of, Mingyu had gotten a promotion at work, Minghao had recently gotten some new clothes ordered.

“That’s what you should do babe, you love fashion, go to school for it,” Mingyu suggests suddenly.

“Maybe, I just, school is so much money, I don’t want to put us through that,” Minghao says worriedly, “and we’ll see even less of each other,” he adds.

“I know but honey, you’re not really gonna work in retail as your career are you?” Mingyu asks.

“I mean I could, I definitely don’t want to, but it’s gotten me this far,” Minghao shrugs.

“Baby, you are capable of so much more, please believe in yourself,” Mingyu encourages.

“I’ll think about it, but it is a lot and requires getting into school as well,” Minghao points out.

“I know but who wouldn’t accept you, you’re amazingly smart, and sexy,” Mingyu compliments with a wink.

“Thanks babe, you always know what to say,” Minghao says, before he notices someone has walked up to the table.

“Hey Gyu, how are you?” someone unfamiliar to Minghao greets his boyfriend.

“Hey Seokmin, I’m good, oh this is my boyfriend Minghao, Hao this is my work buddy Seokmin” Mingyu introduces the two.

“Nice to meet you Seokmin,” Minghao says politely.

“Good to meet you too Minghao, I believe someone has mentioned you before,” Seokmin eyes Mingyu who blushes bright red. “Gyu a couple of us are sitting over there, come say hi?” Seokmin asks.

“Yeah sure I’ll swing by in a little bit, we just gotta take care of the check,” they wave to each other as Seokmin makes his way back to his table.

“You’ve never mentioned Seokmin before?” Minghao asks curious.

“We’re not the closest but he helps pass time at work sometimes and has great ideas, he’s fun to work with, but why would I need to mention him when I can just tell you how much I love you endlessly,” Mingyu says chuckling.

“Oh okay, go right ahead,” Minghao replies laughing as well. As soon as their check is handled they stand and Mingyu scans for Seokmin’s table, and leads Minghao over to it.

“Hey again Seokmin, Vernon, Wonwoo, Jihoon,” Mingyu greets while Minghao slightly hides shyly behind Mingyu, “this is my- Hao c’mere- my boyfriend Minghao,” Mingyu introduces.

“Hey Mingyu, this is our friend Junhui or Jun for short,” someone from the table says, and Minghao’s head snaps up meeting Jun’s eyes staring back at him.

“Hello Jun, this is Hao-or Minghao I mean,” Mingyu laughs.

“Nice to meet you Mingyu, Minghao,” Jun says, ever polite.

“Gyu I don’t feel well,” Minghao quietly complains.

“Oh no, what’s wrong Hao Hao?” Mingyu asks and the crowd at the table chuckle.

“Who knew you were such a good boyfriend Gyu,” Seokmin jokes.

“I’ll have you know I take my job as boyfriend very seriously when it comes to Hao, he’s amazing,” Mingyu defends.

“My head hurts, can we just go home early and skip the movie,” Minghao requests.

“Of course baby, let’s get you home. Alright looks like we’re heading out, I’ll see you guys later, oh and nice to meet you Jun,” the two leave, Minghao hanging his head in shame, glancing back once to see Jun still gazing.

“You slept with my coworkers boyfriend?!” Seokmin shouts once they have left.

“How would you know?” Jun asks.

“I saw him that night at the club, I recognized him, and I know that him and Gyu isn’t a new thing,” Seokmin comments.

“Well, I didn’t know that when it happened, and I didn’t think to ask,” Jun tries to defend himself.

“Hey I’m not saying it’s your fault, I’m just saying you’re screwed,” Seokmin comments.

“Why would I be screwed?” Jun questions.

“You are whipped for him, completely in love,” Seokmin laughs, everyone else agreeing.

“No I’m not,” Jun blushes trying to deny it.

“You haven’t even gotten high since then and you told me he made fun of you for being a stoner,” Vernon points out.

“People change Vernon,” Jun attempts.

“Okay, now stop lying to me,” Vernon retorts.

“No drug can make me feel the way he does,” Jun responds with an almost dreamy look.

“Whipped,” Jihoon coughs causing another round of laughs to erupt while Jun just rolls his eyes.

“Fine whatever,” Jun gives up.

 

Minghao looks out the window of the car, watching trees and houses pass, his head pounding with the meeting of Mingyu and Jun. He couldn’t stop wracking his brain through all the possibilities of them becoming friends, having to keep this secret. Minghao was stretched thin trying to lie to wonderful, amazing Mingyu over someone who he met at a party for goodness sake. Mingyu deserved none of this, he should have someone honest and loyal, neither of those were Minghao, he loves Mingyu but he hasn’t done right by him. These thoughts continue to swirl around as they finally reach their apartment and go inside. Instantly Mingyu is kissing Minghao, pushing him against the door roughly, causing Minghao to gasp, allowing Mingyu to slip his tongue past Hao’s lips. Gyu gently lifts Minghao up, wrapping the smaller around him and carrying him to their bedroom, he bites gently at Hao’s bottom lip eliciting a small groan from the latter. Minghao reaches up and tugs at Mingyu’s hair, kissing him harder.

“Are you ready baby?” Mingyu smirks down at him as he lays him softly on their bed.

“Yes of course,” Minghao responds excitedly as Mingyu peels off his clothing for him.

“You’re so beautiful,” Mingyu compliments, Minghao feels tears forming though he’s unsure why.

“So are y-you Gyu,” Minghao stutters letting tears fall.

“Relax baby, it’s alright, I’ve got you,” suddenly Minghao is transported back to that night and he cries harder- he can’t do this .

“No, I-” Minghao begins crying hysterically, causing Gyu to lay down next to him and bring him into his arms.

“Baby, it’s okay,” Mingyu gently soothes.

“No it’s not, you shouldn’t be comforting me,” Minghao sobs pushing away from Mingyu.

“What’s wrong baby?” Mingyu asks concerned for the smaller.

“Stop calling me baby, you should hate me,” Minghao shouts.

“Why? Why should I hate you?” Mingyu questions.

“Because… Because I cheated on you,” Minghao cries.

“What?” Mingyu has nothing but shock written on his face, pulling away from the younger.

“I’ve met Jun before, at that party a couple months ago, I didn’t come home that night because I slept at his house- because I slept with him,” Minghao admits, feeling a weight off his shoulders but a weight in his heart.

“W-well it was only once and it was a long time ago, Hao it’s okay, I can learn to forgive this,” Mingyu tries while Minghao just shakes his head.

“It wasn’t once, it happened the next morning too, and a couple weeks ago the night I came home really drunk. It almost happened again, but Jun at that point knew about us and I was as I said really drunk so he said no, he brought me to Soonyoung to get brought home,” Minghao explains, tears flowing endlessly, tears that now Mingyu is also shedding.

“How? Did I do something? Is it cause we haven’t had sex? I don’t understand Hao,” Mingyu’s voice breaks.

“No it doesn’t have anything to do with you! You’re amazing I- I’m just fucked up, I guess... I have no reason, it just happened and I’m sorry, I really am Gyu. I’m sorry that I did this to you, I’m sorry that I lied, I’m so fucking sorry, and you shouldn’t forgive me,” Minghao sobs, curling into a ball.

“I-” Mingyu stutters over his choked sobs.

“You should hate me, I hate me, it was horrible what I did, I’ll never forgive myself,” Minghao confesses.

“Go…” Mingyu says softly with no conviction.

“What?” Minghao asks not quite hearing what the other said.

“I said go. Leave, I want you gone, you hurt me Hao, you broke my heart,” Mingyu dejectedly shouts.

“Of course Gyu, I’ll go,” Minghao stands collecting his clothes off the floor and dressing himself back up, he grabs his phone out of his pocket as he exits the room. Self-hatred ringing through his body and tears running down his cheeks as he hears Mingyu’s echoing sobs come from the bedroom that had been his just minutes ago.

“What’s up Hao?” Soonyoung answers his phone.

“Soon-Soon, can I come over?” Minghao cries.

“What happened Hao? Are you okay?” Soonyoung asks alerted by the sound of crying.

“I told G-him, I told him everything and I have nowhere to go, I need- I need you Soonie,” Minghao whines.

“Of course Hao, I’m on my way I’ll be there in a few minutes just hang tight,” Soonyoung calls in a rush before hanging up.

 

Just minutes later Soonyoung pulls into the parking lot next to the apartment building Minghao used to live in, Minghao sitting on the ground in a pile.

“C’mere Hao, it’s okay, I’ve got you,” Soonyoung rushes over to him after parking his car, holding him tight.

“It hurts s-so much Soonie,” Minghao cries into his neck.

“Let’s get you to my place so I can clean you up,” Soonyoung declares picking the other up.

“Can we get high please? I don’t wanna feel anymore,” Minghao requests.

“I dunno Hao, let’s just get you out of this parking lot first,” Soonyoung guides the younger to his car and pushes him inside gently. He sighs after shutting the door and climbs in to the other side driving away from Minghao’s old apartment.

“Thank you Soonyoung, for not hating me,” Minghao says weakly, his voice raw from crying already.

“I could never hate you Hao, you’re my best friend. You’re just going through a rough patch, but you’ll figure it all out soon, I know you will,” Soonyoung comments.

“Maybe…” Minghao replies, drifting off into silence for the rest of the ten minute car ride.

 

When they get back to Soonyoung’s, Minghao instantly falls onto the couch in a heap, Soonyoung following after. They sit in silence, well silence and Minghao crying, the older suggests he take a shower and put on different clothes. Minghao just walks off in the direction of the bathroom no intention of really showering. He stares at himself in the mirror, he’s horrible and awful, how could he ever do that to someone as wonderful as Mingyu. He can’t help but think how disgusting he is, he wishes he could die. Minghao’s thoughts are interrupted by Soonyoung banging at the door with clothes. He opens the door and sets them down on the sink, turning on the water. Hao decides a shower is okay, but still sets the water to burning hot before he gets in, successfully turning his skin an angry red. He scrubs his skin mostly raw before stepping out and patting gently at himself with a towel. Donning Soonyoung’s slightly baggy soft sweats and shirt he leaves the bathroom to find a mass of blankets and pillows tossed onto the couch, snacks set up along the coffee table and DVD’s stacked.

“Alright so we can get high, but if we are, we are staying in and watching movies got it?” Soonyoung gives him a look, carrying in a joint and what looks like a bong.

“Okay,” Minghao croaks, “what is that?” he asks in a small voice, as Soonyoung hands him the joint.

“A dab rig,” Soonyoung calmly says.

“What the hell is a dab? I thought it was that dumb thing kids do,” Minghao inquires.

“Well there’s that and then this, you take this wax and melt it and then inhale the resulting smoke, gets you high ten times quicker but they’re not for novices like you,” Soonyoung gives him a look.

“Why not?” Minghao questions grabbing a fistful of popcorn.

“Because I can only imagine you after a dab, also you are not an experienced smoker, this might kill you,” Soonyoung laughs as he sits down beside the taller.

“Please let me try, just once,” Minghao pouts at him, mouth still full of popcorn.

“Fine, you can, but first pick a movie, I’ll get this set up,” Soonyoung waves him off as he sets the machine down and prepares it for them.

“Okay, we are starting with Cinderella,” Minghao announces.

“Why?” Soonyoung asks, “Why not some action movie?”.

“Because I said so, stop questioning me Soonie,” Minghao pouts, walking over and placing the disk inside the DVD player. Soonyoung hits play when the menu appears and they’re greeted with the familiar Disney opening, right as the rig begins making a slight whistle as Soonyoung begins to take his hit.

“Okay,” he coughs, “go off this but not too much,” Soonyoung tells him, Minghao grabs it and inhales.

“That wasn’t so- oh no,” Minghao is suddenly taken over by a coughing fit that won’t stop.

“Exactly why I said be careful, don’t worry it’s happened to us all,” Soonyoung jokes with him.

“I wonder if Jun does this kind of thing,” Minghao wonders aloud.

“Now can you please just admit you have feelings for him?” Soonyoung asks exasperated.

“Hush the movie’s starting,” Minghao waves the other off. The older rolls his eyes but draws his attention back to the screen in front of them showing the princess movie he had seen hundreds of times before. He startles at the feeling of something warm hitting his lap but is unsurprised to see Minghao resting his head in the older’s lap, Soonyoung brings his hand to the other’s head and pats at his hair comfortingly.

“I’m sorry Hao,” Soonyoung whispers.

“Thank you Soonie, for being here for me,” Minghao says with sincerity, as he feels himself getting slowly sleepier.

About halfway through the movie Soonyoung looks down to find that Minghao has passed out on his lap, he takes this as a good sign and relaxes to sleep as well. Not long after Soonyoung finally falls asleep Minghao jumps awake after dreaming of Mingyu, he has tears streaming and he hates himself all over again. He reaches to mess with the dab rig, having watched Soonyoung earlier, he wants his high again, he doesn’t want to think, he takes a hit as soon as it’s ready and coughs his way through the aftermath. This time though he notes the acrid smell, a mix of weed and cleaning chemicals, the large cloud left behind filling the space with it’s scent. He winces but relaxes as he feels his high begin to curl in his toes and travel up through his limbs, relaxing as it goes.

Not long after though he is unsatisfied, it’s not enough, he takes a few more hits, before rummaging into the kitchen to find Soonyoung’s whiskey stash. Minghao swallows a few swigs and soon feels a relaxed buzzing throughout his body along with the heavenly high, he barely remembers where he is, let alone the events of the night and smiles wide. Suddenly he remembers a handsome, silver haired man and he craves his touch, that forbidden touch that lit him on fire that night so long ago. He pulls out his phone and wanders out onto the street, he pulls up the long forgotten about number and presses call.

“Hello?” Jun answers sounding sleepy.

“Junnie, where are you? I miss you,” Minghao pouts through the phone.

“Minghao, are you okay? Where are you? Does Soonyoung or Mingyu know where you are?” comes Jun’s concerned voice.

“Soonie’s asleep, don’t tell him I took a few more dabs,” Minghao giggles as a car whizzes past him.

“Oh god, you’re high, listen to me Hao, I need you to tell me where are right now” Jun responds as calmly as he can, when he’s currently about to have a heart attack.

“I don’t know Junnie, outside?” Minghao laughs even more, clearly far gone.

“What does the street sign say, what street are you on?” Jun is now freaking out.

“Uhmmm, it looks like it says ‘anklin’ what the heck is that Junnie?” Minghao asks in wonder.

“Alright, I’m only a few minutes away from Franklin, just stay right where you are Hao, I’ll come get you,” Jun answers and MInghao can hear some rattling.

“Is Junnie coming to save me? Hmm, my hero,” Minghao tells him.

“Yes Hao, I’m coming to get you, just keep talking to me, what else do you see?” the sound of a door and an engine.

“Uhm there’s a big white house, and a small little grey one over there, I wish I could own a house, have my own little family,” Minghao comments.

“Yeah, a family sounds nice Hao,” Jun answers distractedly.

“And a little kitten or two, and we can name them peaches and cream,” Minghao keeps going.

“Why peaches and cream?” Jun keeps him on the phone as he hurries down the street and turns.

“Because they’re orange and white, obviously, silly Junnie,” Minghao replies as he sees a car come into view, “oh no Junnie someone’s after me,” Minghao whispers.

“Minghao it’s me,” Jun hangs up the phone, “Hao come here,” he hops out of his car approaching the younger slowly.

“Junnie! My hero, my prince charming!” Minghao shouts joyously as he throws himself into Jun’s arms.

“I know Minghao, well I don’t know what to do now, would you be okay coming to my house? I don’t know where else to take you,” Jun asks.

“Yes, we go to Junnie’s house and then he can touch me again!” he shouts possibly louder this time, Jun notices a light from the house in front of them come on.

“Yes we are going to my house, but first you gotta get in my car,” Jun tries.

“Okay Junnie,” Minghao answers stumbling his way into the car with Jun’s help. Once the younger is in Jun sighs wondering what caused this new development in Minghao’s behavior.

They arrive back to Jun’s house quickly, though not without any mishaps, Jun almost swerves into his tree when Minghao leans over and starts lapping at his crotch trying to what he can only assume was give him a blowjob. He quickly pushed the younger’s head up off of him and pulls into his driveway safely. He helps the younger out of the car and up towards the door, which he left unlocked in his rush, they enter and he lays Minghao gently down onto his couch. Jun turns around and locks the door before he hears gentle cries leaving the other.

“Hao what’s wrong?” he asks gently approaching.

“Nobody loves me,” Minghao whines, hands rubbing hard at his eyes.

“I love you Hao, and so does Soonyoung, and Gyu. You have people who love you, I promise,” he responds, Minghao just delicately flips around so that he can’t see Jun.

“Sure,” Minghao let’s out sharply.

“Get some rest Hao, and stay here, I mean it, no running off, we can call someone in the morning for you,” Jun comments as he heads to his room, leaving Minghao there crying. Jun shuts the door behind himself, his mind racing with what could’ve happened tonight, he changes out of his sweatshirt and walks back out to the kitchen silently, watching the already asleep Minghao. The silver haired lets out a deep sigh, oh how he wishes he could help the younger through whatever is hurting him, but that has never gone well. The boy lying on his couch now looks small and hurt, nothing like the one he had seen earlier at the diner out on a date, laughing and joyful. Jun turns on the stove to heat up coffee water, it was gonna be a sleepless night for him.

 

Minghao woke up with a pounding headache and his phone buzzing like crazy, he lifted to find Soonyoung calling.

“What do you want?” he answers.

“MINGHAO! Oh thank god you’re alive, WHERE ARE YOU?!” Soonyoung yells into the phone.

“I don’t know Soon, and can you stop screaming please,” suddenly there’s a hand in front of his face.

“Here, I’ll talk to him, you rest,” Hao hears someone speak, he looks up to see Jun taking the phone from him.

“What?” Minghao says to himself confused, suddenly the events of last night hit him.

“Hey Soonyoung, this is Jun, he’s at my house… I promise you he’s fine, well mostly… He was really high and drunk, basically just inebriated… Yeah he did say something about dabs… He called me really late and I found him walking around... I assure he’s fine, probably just a bad hangover… Okay you can come by after work that’s fine, I’m off today… Bye and you’re welcome,” Jun hangs up the phone and hands it back to Minghao.

“Is Soonyoung mad or something?” Minghao cautiously asks.

“No he’s worried, I imagine Mingyu is too, call him,” Jun holds out the phone for Minghao.

“I’m sure he’s not,” Minghao answers standing slowly.

“Of course he is,” Jun tells him.

“No he’s not Jun trust me.” Minghao says finally.

“Well then I’ll call him for you,” Jun says stubbornly.

“NO! He doesn’t want to hear from me and I doubt he would like you calling off my phone either,” Minghao almost shouts.

“You told him?” Jun asks quietly.

“Yes I did, he dumped me, that’s why I was at Soonyoung’s he told me to leave, I didn’t even pack anything, these are not my clothes,” Minghao tells him.

“Why did you tell him last night, is it because we met?” Jun questions.

“No, it was because for the first time in a while we were trying to have sex, I just couldn’t, but anyway I don’t wanna talk about it with you, I want water,” MInghao states, heading off to the kitchen, he finds a glass of water and three advils sitting on the counter.

“Those are for you, I figured you’d need it, you were really messed up last night,” Jun speaks lightly from the doorway.

“Thanks,” Minghao says just as quiet.

“No problem,” Jun shrugs.

“You look like you haven’t slept,” Hao comments, on the older’s slightly ragged appearance.

“Stayed up to make sure you didn’t wake up and run,” Jun answers.

“Jun, you didn’t have to, you don’t have to take care of me,” Minghao tells him.

“I know, but I would rather you be taken care of than on the side of the street,” Jun insists.

“Why don’t you hate me? Shouldn’t you hate me?” Minghao let’s a few tears flow, Jun quickly walks over and wipes them, guiding Minghao’s eyes up to his own.

“Everybody makes mistakes Hao, it would take more than you being human for me to hate you Hao,” Jun says honestly.

“Jun…” Minghao leans up softly taking Jun’s lips against his own, the older kisses back but only for a moment before he pulls away, Minghao whining quietly at the loss.

“Hao, you just got out of a relationship, the last thing you need is another one right away. I love you, truly, but you need to give yourself time to heal and figure out what you want and if it’s me then we will revisit this,” Jun tells the younger.

“But-” he’s quieted by another press of Jun’s lips this time to his forehead.

“Shhh baby, I’m here for you, but you need time,” he brings the younger into his arms holding him tight.

“I’m sorry you love me, you shouldn’t,” Minghao whispers in earnest.

“Nonsense,” Jun answers him, squeezing him in just a little tighter. “One day you’ll see that you deserve the world,” Jun whispers into the younger’s hair leaving a delicate kiss there.