Work Header

Sexy times with Wangxian

Chapter Text

Another mystery posed by senior members of the Council of Lan, formerly known as the elite grandmasters of the Qishan Lan, office holders of the best-performing company in the multiverse Wangxian Co. Ltd., and top generals and officials of the Kingdom of Lan :-


How does one play, excite and finally fertilize Wei Ying’s eggs?


Or should they even be called ‘eggs’, being of male origin and certainly located not within a female reproductive organ such as the ovaries. From an anatomical perspective, Wei Ying’s eggs are described in great length in various literature research as a man’s testicles, however from the holy texts and grade-school education textbooks that all of the Kingdom’s royal subjects had known, memorized and understood from their stance about the way the universe works, the man named Wei Wuxian is simply said, and validated through rigorous scientific research and testing, that he does have a pair of testes that is more commonly known as man-eggs; for the sake of non-argument on gender parity and sexual discrimination and confusion, therefore the Kingdom is of the position to call Wei Ying’s eggs, simply as ‘eggs’.


Those lovely oval-shaped organs slightly smaller than a decent-sized commercial chicken egg, hang low in their scrotal pouch and have the flexibility to move around a bit inside their warm nest richly innervated and supplied with blood vessels. A dense fuzz of curls and frizz covers the pouch, partly made of Ernie the cold black thing, lending a very masculine appearance and softens any blows, thus providing those delicate and precious eggs - the only two in existence in the entire multiverse - for the enjoyment, entertainment, pleasure and sexual reproduction of the Grand Patriarch.


Thus, once the eggs are fully characterized, defined and described in detail, the question begs itself once again - how does one play, excite and fertilize them?


To play, one can start by carefully, gently cradle the scrotal pouch with both hands in a cupping position, then roll the soft pads of both thumbs upon the eggs contained snugly beneath the wrinkly, hairy skin - one thumb for each egg. First, one can roll in clockwise with the right thumb, and in anticlockwise directions with the left thumb, simultaneously, while swaying the palms to gently buoy, lift and further roll both plump eggs in an in-and-out motion. One can also squeeze them, milk them, turn them a bit to massage every square inch of the fragile surface, and make undulating motions from the base of the penis down to the lower ends of the scrotal pouch to milk lovely bodily fluids and improve the blood circulation that feed into the oval-shaped organs, therefore coaxing the eggs to grow and swell lovingly, warming up to the touch, and to notice the tell-tale spread of reddish sexual flush and brown tans across the dangling sac, particularly when it starts to contract and relax rhythmically, whether the entire egg itself or with lovely rolling spasms from top to bottom towards tasty testicular orgasms.


There are various ways to play with Wei Ying’s eggs - by gently pulling both eggs each in different directions, milking both eggs with squeezing motions to stimulate seed production, stroking those lovely bouncy balls at downward angles to coax them to make and release more baby sperms, even tapping rhythms - particularly lively Yunmeng folksongs - from top to bottom and back up again, going round and round the eggs until both lovely yolks quiver, spasm with heavenly delight, and gush out fifteen testicular ejaculations of nectary, translucent sperm-rich liquids straight through the windy tubes and drain into Wei Ying’s convulsing prostate gland. Another way is to mimic the mechanics of 21st-century washing machines, that is, to press, knead and spin the egg’s yolk-y contents in alternating directions, drumming sonic pulses deep into the throbbing core of each lovely ball until the sperms quiver in a trance-like dance, and the egg itself spasms excitedly in the process of having its liquids stirred and shaken vigorously, each lively microscopic tadpole is rinsed and dipped repeatedly and the swirled around in its own nutritive fluids, and then, the grand final spin cycle, where some magical aid is used to send fast-moving whirlpools to lovingly assault each egg in opposing directions, wringing out the very last sperm cell from their dizzying twirling cradles and flinging them straight out of the penis in hearty ejaculations, until Wei Ying cries and screams with the extreme pleasures of having his eggs washed thoroughly like a washing machine does.


With play, there comes excitement and tantalizing, erotic stimulations, often by using one’s lips and tongue, plus other parts of the body such as grazing those tender adorable eggs with light, skimming fingernail touches in horizontal, then vertical and finally circular directions in both clockwise and anti-clockwise manners. Performing the perfect oral sex upon the eggs is very, very much preferred when Wei Ying is fully aroused, as the rougher, and more violent, invasive forces of lip suction, tongue licking and vocal humming usually sends Wei Ying’s eggs into a mating frenzy, releasing copious amounts of spermatic fluids in a series of mind-shattering, epileptic fits that attack the eggs’ membranes non-stop, even long after the last baby sperm cell has been drained out, so that Wei Ying’s eggs serve their dual purpose of producing seed, and tasty sweet seedless fluids in healthy spurts, fifteen excited dollops in total per egg.


To ramp up the excitement, one can use non-organic means which could be a tad bit risky to the swelling and shrivelling eggs depending on its cycle of testicular orgasm. For example, casting sexual spells, using electrostimulation, and pressing vibrators against it - care must be taken not to crack and break the eggs, as they are more prone to bruising and damage than, say, hard-boiled chicken eggs without their shells. There are plenty of references and grimoires that detail on how magic can be used to heighten one’s sexuality and performance in bed; in particular for these testicular eggs, spells with mechanical action such as spinning, twisting, tickling and kneading are particularly useful, and so are spells that send sexual poisons straight into the cradles of sperm production within each lovely egg. The insertion of implants and objects are frowned upon by the medical fraternity, however, permission need not be sought to peruse worm-like parasites and other ball-piercing and injection devices for the sole purpose of torturing and pleasuring Wei Ying’s cute eggs. 


Electrical stimulation, on the other hand, is much simpler - simply purchase Wangxian-branded testicular electrical pads and hook them to the generator, and watch how pulses of raw electricity travel through narrow cables to deliver tasty shocks onto the adhesive patch that covers most of Wei Ying’s testicles - and the eggs within shall vibrate, contract and spasm uncontrollably to the user’s desires, accompanied by sweet, alluring screams and extremely tempting hip-shakes and fluttering of pelvic muscles.


Next, vibrators. The hallmarks of enhancing the pleasures experienced by Wei Ying is to encourage the use of sex toys, in which magic wands and vibrator eggs are highly sought-after goods for the purpose of playing and stimulating Wei Ying’s lovely eggs, rivalling that of a human’s touch. There is hardly any need for instructions for use, as one can simply strap these devices onto the scrotal pouches, massage the devices hard against each quivering egg in delicious directions, and at opportune times, press the tips or heads of those vibrating toys deep into certain sweet spots deep inside Wei Ying’s pelvis to stun, numb and destroy his sanity and his grip on his excitement - until Wei Ying orgasms both testicularly and prostatically, to the point of urinating in sweet spurts and farting erratically whilst climaxing, because those strong mechanical waves and pulses are known to loosen sphincters and bladder control, amongst every other sexual reproductive organs located within Wei Ying’s nether regions.


The topic of playing and exciting Wei Ying’s testicles - the anatomically correct term - has been described and discussed at length in this essay. So comes the final part - how to fertilize Wei Ying’s eggs? This problem has been researched with numerous literature and books published on the topic, but with little resolution in sight. The greatest scholars of the Kingdom had debated on this for aeons, and there could be no agreement - because Wei Ying is technically a male, and therefore, his testicles are not eggs (scientifically speaking), and cannot transform then birth into babies on their own. Colloquially known as ‘baby Wei Yings’, the man’s sperm cells swimming inside Wei Ying’s testicles (eggs) do not function as a typical human ovum that can be fertilized by another man’s seed. Thus, the issue of how to fertilize Wei Ying’s eggs remains a mystery to this date.


Scientists have long debated on the methodologies to experiment with fertilization of a man. The test subject named Lan Wang Ji, who also sponsors the research efforts, has been enlisted to attempt Wei Ying’s fertilization efforts using manners learned from hypothesis and hearsays. Baby Wei Yings have been forcefully extracted in violent spurts, sometimes coaxed out in rich ejaculatory dollops from an exhausted hairy penis, and placed into petri dishes where in vitro fertilization techniques have been used. Unsurprisingly, injecting and flooding baby Wei Yings with a pool of baby Wang Jis did not yield any success of forming a fat, healthy baby as desired by the Royal Couple of the Kingdom. 


Another method tried and tested, is forcefully inserting the husband’s semen straight into the eggs, thus replicating a more realistic condition of sperms from the husband raping the wife’s eggs in any typical heterosexual carnal acts. Through high-precision insertions and high-resolution scope cameras implanted inside the scrotal sac to monitor the delicate process of fertilizing a man’s eggs, Lan Wang Ji was tasked to masturbate furiously into a funnel, that connected to a pump and a catheter tube that travelled all the way from urethra, through the prostate gland and straight into the testicles. A microscopic incision was made on each egg, so that the catheter emptied straight into the spongy, viscous lumpy oatmeal-like tissues within each egg filled with active wrigging, and sleepy unborn baby Wei Yings. Upon receiving thirty very excited ejaculations from the husbands, because he’d been feed with tales of how his sperms would swim their way through to meet the eggs, then greet each baby Wei Ying inside, and kiss them good morning and gently wake them up from their nests, then make sweet, sweet love between sperm cells and egg-cum-sperm cells to create new life inside Wei Ying’s lovely hairy testicles, until fat, healthy offsprings are birthed. Those violent ejaculations sped through the catheter and tubing like a retrograde ejaculation, aided by mechanical pumps placed along the way, and soon, Wang Ji’s sperm cells happily arrived at their destination to swim through the incisions, and passionately invaded the home of panicking baby Wei Yings. Of note, Wei Ying’s eggs were monitored from the outside throughout the assault, and scientists recorded the animated movements of each egg as though it was being eaten alive from the inside; since Wang Ji’s sperm cells are known to be voracious rapists and extremely passionate in pursuing then humping violently and biting, sexually devouring, and mating every baby Wei Ying in the vicinity. Wei Ying’s helpless, smaller sperms were defeated, and their home was lay waste by very excited, hungry and greedy sperms from the older man. The genes from Wei Ying’s sperm were evacuated into the egg’s yolk as baby Wei Yings were violently and passionately fucked by baby Wang Jis one by one until the point of disintegration. However, the mix of genetic material from both men did not result in any conception of new life, and thus, scientists concluded that this method of fertilizing Wei Ying’s eggs did not work either.


And so, the quest and scientific discourses to find out how to better play and excite, and more importantly, fertilize Wei Ying’s testicular eggs - continues.